No Wonder Gilbert Arenas Had Guns ... He was Waiting for Clevland to Visit

Gilbert Arenas, No. 0

For those of you who don't know, Gilbert 'Agent Zero' Arenas was, until last week, an All Star point guard for the Washington Wizards. He was suspended indefinitely last week because he violated NBA rules by keeping unloaded guns in the Wizards locker room. the situation is so serious it being investigated by the FBI.

On behalf of Goons from Hoods all around the world, let me talk directly to Gil.

Gilbert,

You're a dumbass, son. Did you think that us Goons and Hood Rats would have your back on this one? NO!

Why would you keep your burner (gun) in the locker room? That's just as bad as keeping guns on your tour bus or in your sweat pants.

That's your bread and butter you're fu@#ing with. There is no forgiveness or understanding for pulling such a dumb move.

Let's not get it twisted. The Hood has no problem with you having guns. Shiiit, if you didn't have guns we'd have robbed you by now. But you messed around and lost your job. In the Hood it's all about M.I.A.M.I and C.R.E.A.M. If it wasn't for the fact that one more thing gone wrong might break you, I would have certified you 'Not Hood"!


With Loving Disgust,
The Hood


But that's not the worst part for Gilbert Arenas, not by a long shot. In Nov of '09 the news broke that Shaq was cheating on his wife, Shanice O'Neal, with Gilbert's fiance. She did Gil soooooo dirty, son. Straight sucio.

(l to r) Gilbert Arenas, Laura Govan, Shaq, Shanice O'Neal


Here are the emails between Shaq and Gibert's fiance, Laura Govan:


Now the guns, in anticipation of a Shaq away game visit, make sense.

Nicki Minaj is Certified Hood ... on a probationary basis

This lovely lady right here is 25 year old Nicki Minaj, the self described 'Harajuku Barbie', straight out of Queens, NY. She came out big in late '09 as a part of Lil' Wayne's Young Money Entertainment label after some mixtape buzz.

Now she's performing with the likes of Weezy F. Baby and Dizzy Drake from Degrassi

At first look, she's all TnA. Her body is 'on point' to almost unbelievable proportions (which has resulted in a little controversy). But, after listening to her raps with quirky titles, she won over my mind in addition to my body.

Here. Give her song 'Itty Bitty Piggy' a listen to:



Her lyrics are pretty good .

She's not without her 'Hood' controversy, however. A LOT is being made about her figure. Men and women alike ogle her body and some, like ABDC's Lil' Mama, have taken offense. Lil' Mama's gripe is that Minaj is a bad role model cuz she uses her sex appeal to the max. I say that's a soft excuse to hate on somebody, Lil' Mama. Minaj is bangin and her lyrics sound better than some stupid Lip Gloss song. C'mon , Son!

In the end, the single greatest question about Nicky Minaj that keeps coming up is: Does she add padding to her ass? I kid you not. If she does, then it's a travesty and I stand here before you a broken man.

Rex Ryan is the fat Gungan from Star Wars Episode I

This is NY Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan. He has the biggest double chin in the game right now, son!

This is Boss Nass, Jar Jar Binks' superior from Star Wars and Rex Ryan doppelganger.

No. 42 David Lee

To anyone who hates the Yankees and hints that New Yorkers are spoiled by a franchise that makes it rain contracts of $200 million I say, "Go to hell". If you're a New York City Goon you're a Yankees or Mets fan but you're also Knicks fan.

When you're a Knicks fan, you know what it is to struggle. The Knicks are bunz (zeroes). If you even mention the names of former Knicks execs Sott Layden and Isiah Thomas a chill runs down my back and anger fills my veins.

The Knicks have been bad for most of the 2000s and every fan knows why: Constanntly trading away draft picks for high priced and degrading players, signing players to untradable contracts, not having player taller than 6'9" Kurt Thomas for years, and hiring Isiah Thomas. I feel like I can run the Knicks Front Office with the help of average New Yorkers.

The only ray of light the Knicks have had recently is the drafting of David Lee out of the University of Florida in 2005. David Lee has risen to be arguably the best American born white guy in the NBA.

He started out as a role playing rookie and has grown into a double double machine. He honed his perimeter shot and can score with both hands. He hustles and Knicks fans love that. We HATE Tim "Fugazy' Thomas

The Knicks finally seem on the right track and the horrible contracts they signed come off the books in 2010. I hope David Lee is a part of the new look Knicks in the new decade ... along with Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, and Jesus Christ (he plays point guard.)


*fugazy means fake or phony

Jay-Z is certified 'Not Hood'

A couple of weeks ago, Jay-Z agreed to change his last name to Knowles-Carter. I want to ask Hov what he's thinking right now because I can already hear the 50 Cent's dis track in the works.

Dear Mr. Knowles,

Like for real, playboy, that's how you feel right now? Just gonna take your girl's last name like that? Gonna go from self-proclaimed Greatest Rapper (alive) to Mr. Knowles? Word, son? Just not gonna care anymore? That's no good, Sean Knowles-Carter, no good at all.

Sincerely,
The Hood

P.S. Hov, I want to thank you, too. Because if someone as ungodly unattractive as you can get a girl like Beyonce then that means women like her are within reach for average joes like us who aren't as hideous.

But to be honest, if I were in his position and Beyonce was my girl, I would change my last name to Knowles before you could say "Can you pay my bills? Can you pay telephone bills? Can you pay my automobills". But she's not so there we go.

I also want to congratulate Beyonce:

Dear Beyonce, Your swag is so crazy right now. Not only do you have Kanye West making little white girls named Taylor cry in your name but you've got the titan of rap, Jay-Z, to hyphenate his last name to include yours. Not only that but you also made him put Carter second. I respect your hustle, Beyonce, you've got to keep the Knowles name alive at all costs.

Love,
The Hood